Time

and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.

-Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

John and I went out for a one of our casual dates. Casual dates are special to us. We spend a few hours submerged in conversation. Many subjects were covered during our conversation tonight. One being blogs. We are both really big readers and blogs are a great resource for us. John likes to share what he learns about leadership and personal development. I like to share what I learn about pregnancy and parenting. It is fun to tell each other stories and teach each other. We also discussed our own blogs. What is our focus?  What is our goal? We are both still developing answers to those questions.

Later in the evening I was reviewing my posts from the last few months and I was confused. What is my focus? I have a few recipes. I have pictures of things I crocheted. Now I am documenting my pregnancy. I became frustrated that there was not consistency. Confusion again. Why am I being so critical? In that moment I recognized that I was being led to read a specific scripture. The one written above. Immediately the confusion and frustration washed off of me. It all became clear. There was and is focus. I have been writing through different times and it makes sense.

I want to explain how all the pieces fell together in my mind tonight as I read those verses. It is a long story. Here it goes...

November 24th, 2010: John and I celebrated our first year of marriage (as well as my birthday but that is another story for another day). Shortly after that we made the decision to start trying to have a baby. Christmas Eve brought news of a new menstrual cycle. We thought: That's okay. 2011 will be the year!

January 15th, 2011: After working hard through Dave Ramsey's Baby Step 2 we became DEBT FREE.

January 2011: We didn't get pregnant this month. Instead we got to celebrate two wonderful people become one. 

A time to dance.

February, March 2011: No pregnancy yet. I did get an A in an advanced college anatomy class so I think I have a pretty good understanding of how this works. Next month I'll chart my basal body temperature to pinpoint ovulation. 

April 2011: It appears my body is working exactly as I thought it should. I just need to relax and trust God's timing. His plan is perfect.

A time to chart.

May 2011: Not pregnant this month. Blessings are not lacking though. We were able to be a part of watching another two friends become one! 

A time to celebrate.

June 2011: No baby news this month. We hiked to the top of Angel's Landing in Zion and sat on the spine of two cliffs. It was so amazing! 

A time to climb.

August 2011: Not pregnant. Glad that a baby didn't have to be involved in the accident. That month we moved into our new apartment and celebrated Rizzo's 2nd birthday. 

A time to count our blessings.

September, October 2011: Not pregnant. It started getting really emotionally tough. 

A time to weep.

November 2011: Still waiting. We celebrated our 2nd anniversary and reflected on our second year. It was disheartening to know that a year had gone by without becoming pregnant but we were so connected through it all. We grew in our faith. We fought against doubt together. We had an abundance of happy moments together. We were making excellent progress towards saving our full 6 month emergency fund. We were one! 

December 2011, January 2012: Still hoping to get pregnant. I started crocheting again. I made blankets for my friends and family's new babies. 

February 2012: I started blogging about my crochet projects and was able to sell some of my items. 

March 2012: This was one of the most at peace months that I had had since the start of us trying to conceive and we had officially completed our full 6 month emergency fund.

A time to praise.

April 2012: This is the month where our life changed. John had served 4 years and 10 months in the Marines. On April 20th we drove down to base to check out of the Marines for good. John had served his time honorably and now he was free. We got home from one of the most exciting and relieving events in our lives and just felt like we should take a pregnancy test. I was hesitant. We had seen many tests with one pink line and each of those tests were clear in my mind. Well, we still went along with our feeling. After peeing on the test, I put the pink cap back on and set the stick on the counter. After I quick glance I noticed the test had the faintest second line but it had only been 10 seconds. So I just sat in John's arms and waited three minutes. We both peered down at the test. Two matching pink lines. Not faint pink, no, actual PINK! John's face lit up brighter than the sun and I got sucked into a hurricane of emotions. I say hurricane because I just cried and cried and cried. I was so HAPPY and so SCARED! Happy because it was everything I had been praying for. Scared because what if this is wrong? I kept crying and thanking God. The day that couldn't get any better had just gotten better. 

The test wasn't wrong. We told our parents and siblings. Then family and friends. Then everybody at 10 weeks. Now I sit here just shy of 18 weeks and everything makes sense. 

There is a time for everything. 

A time for recipes. A time to crochet. A time to grow a life in my womb.

A time to share this.

~Paige